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Battered Xander. [15 May 2006|07:55pm]

[ mood | indescribable ]

The conversation with Giles was upsetting....and that was for me and I didn't even hear most of his words, except when he was yelling. It wasn't like Giles to yell at Buffy. She had earned more then that and didn't need him, any watcher or even the Council anymore. She was taking the news worse then I was, but was doing the chin-up thing that she was usually so good at, though.

I stood, and my head pounded, but at least, this time, I didn't fall. As much as I hated to admit it, though Faith had given me some of her blood, I need more blood and not something that was cold and picked up at a butcher's shop. I took a few steps as Buffy seemed to lose the remnants of the conversation, and came to me in an attempt to make sure that I wasn't going to fall.

It was sweet, and I liked the fact that she still cared about me and loved the fact that she was around me again, even under these circumstances, but I was a vampire, and had been one for two-hundred and fifty years and didn't want to be treated like a fragile doll or something that Dru would carry around with her. My impulse was to show her that i could walk on my own without support, but her proximity to me was amazing and her touch was indescribable. It set me off, made me remember times with Nina and think that she and I could make it this time, and make it all of the way, without worry of Angelus.

For a second, everything that had transpired, hit me, as she looked me in the eyes. I thought about Wesley dying at the hands of Veil, and before that, I thought of Fred's death at Illyria's hands, and before that, Cordy. I had loved Cordy, and had wanted her to come back, and that was over, but my love for Buffy was eternal and there was no regret or thoughts of betrayal concerning Cordy, when I touched Buffy. After all, everyone, or almost everyone that came into contact with me, everyone that I developed feelings for, would die, and I would go on...unless I was sent flying through more buildings at a high rate of speed.

I leaned on her. The thoughts of death were never more evident. I had never experienced a lot of it on a personal level when I had the ability to care about it, but in the past few months, I had lost Cordy, Fred, Wesley, Gunn and Illyria. The latter three deaths were associated with what I had created with the Circle of the Blackthorn, and the last four happened as a direct result of us taking over Wolfram and Hart, which led me, as I put my arm around her and found my lips going to her hair to think about how all of this was my fault. But did I have a choice? They were taking my loved ones and they were evil. I had to stop the Circle and cripple Wolfram and Hart.

The kiss lingered and without thinking, needing her as I did, I kissed her forehead. I then looked her in the eyes. "Buffy, I should never have tried to take down Wolfram and Hart from the inside, but they took Fred from me, they probably had something to do with Cordy dying and enough was enough. I had to do something. I had to. But now, there is all of this death and it is because of me. I didn't expect this answer from the senior partners. Deep down, I guess that I believed that we would win, that we would be able to stop them and I got Wesley and Gunn killed."

I wasn't much of a crier, but my eyes watered as I looked into her eyes again. "I'm so sorry for all of this. Giles isn't wrong to blame me, but I'm not evil. I...I just wished that I hadn't lost all of my friends in the process...Giles isn't wrong...This is all my fault."

I kissed her again, this time moving down to her lips, not giving her time to stop me, when I heard a screeching of tires out front and then saw the door pushed open. It was Xander and as he came in, he could barely stand. His shirt was ripped, his face was as battered as mine without the brain-damaging injuries that I had incurred and blood was prominent, and I could smell it and knew that I needed it. He limped towards us, and as he did, Buffy broke from our embrace, and left me wanting another kiss and left me wanting to fall down, my equilibrium still off. I don't know why she broke the embrace, but I suspected that she didn't want Xander to see us kissing or our closeness. Or maybe she was worried that he was about to fall? She held him up, as gingerly, I walked towards them, as she plopped him down on the circular couch.

[Buffy and Xander]

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So hard to swallow [14 May 2006|09:04pm]

I’d be damned if I was gonna’ sit there an’ listen to Spike when I had my agenda on me. I never needed the vamp before (except to talk to and a cigarette now an’ then) damn well didn’t need him now. Especially since for some reason, he was on a power trip…just because B’ wasn’t with him. Christ, I had forgotten how annoyin’ everythin’ was when B an’ her circle of whatevers were around.

I started off the fightin’ with some kicks to the face, and some choppin’ of nasty heads. I could hear Spike behind me, fightin’ as well, and yellin’… my sword was grabbed when I was focusin’ on what was behind me… which is why I work alone. I was fixin’ to save myself, until mr. Cocky decided that he was gonna’ be the rescuer in this situation. That got me pissed off… but what got me infuriated was the fact that the fucker was gonna try an’ reprimand me when I was a slayer here.

"What in the bloody hell happened to the two of us bloody well working together. You were nearly lunch to a bleeding irrigorite!"

I looked over toward the demons, an’ this was just what I fuckin’ needed to kill them all, then kick the ass of Bleachfuck over here. I held my sword even tighter now, an’ looked at him like I was gonna hit him. I would be plottin’ the death, if I didn’t see the demons comin’ closer.

"Faith, know you fought the uber vamps and all, but these demons are different. They aren't seething with rage. They're more calculating, and if you notice, other's aren't bothering with us, and are trying to increase the bleeding human body count. We can't bloody well save humans if we are say, dead."

“I had it under control, you fuck. I’m not B’, I don’t need you or anyone else here lookin’ after me, and im not gonna die here tonight so why don‘t you just focus on the fuckin‘ demons, and not how I‘m fightin‘.”

I wasn’t yellin’ like I thought I did. In fact, I was calm, which, I think pissed him off more. It wasn’t my intention, but the more I thought about it, the better it made me feel. turned around, an’ got back in the ready position. I wasn’t about to take some pointers from Spike. Even though I could tolerate him more than a lot of things in this life, I wasn’t gonna label him a friend, or nothin’ even close.

I went ahead of him again. I couldn’t tell if I did it because I wanted to spite the fucker, or if it was the adrenaline unconsciously movin’ my body forward. I was goin’ in the fray, with or without bleach.

Suddenly, I saw a SUV ram a few of the demons, but when I looked to see who the brave person was, there were tinted windows. Whatever, I didn’t care, there were still some left for me, an’ that’s what I did care about. I started choppin off some heads with mystery person, and the fucker behind me.

I’m an arrogant bitch, and these things were gonna die knowin’ it.
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A flight, a rental and carnage. [02 Apr 2006|04:22pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

I had been out of the loop a little bit. Giles obviously knew more then me, and Andrew did as well. I had studied hard, and it was especially hard for me because more then an hour in a book and my mind turned into a dribbling ooze, but I had done so, anyway. Giles and the new Council paid really well, and where else would I want to be? I had spent the last eight years fighting evil with Buffy, had lost an eye, dated some demons and there was nothing else for me. Living in England had been quite the adjustment, and let me just say, the food, hideous...but it was quite the adjustment. I had been in Rio with Willow and Kennedy. Kennedy and Willow worked alone there for a while. Kennedy was the only slayer working alone, well, with the exception of Buffy and Faith, and I had come back to London, getting used to these flights with my new glass eye. My responsibilties were to research for all of the slayers in the western hemisphere. Willow was the only watcher who worked with her slayer and thats because special circumstances had to be made for the two of them were together. Now, they were in Munich. All of the newbies worked in twosomes, because we didn't have the watchers to travel with each slayer. Certainly, it was safer having slayers all over the world, but believe you me, I had been slightly more then tempted to act upon my feelings for Naomi, who was seventeen, and beautiful, but even if I did, Giles wouldn't let me travel with her like he let Willow travel with Kennedy. The way that it worked, was that every new slayer traveled in twosomes. We had over forty slayers now. Andrew was the contact for the far east, Giles was in charge of it all, but also was the main watcher for Europe, Willow and Kennedy worked together, but also traveled to all parts of the world, where Willow made a lot of reports and I, well I was in charge of Canada, Jamaica, the rest of the islands, Central America and the States.

Giles pulled me into the office, telling me about what had happened in Los Angeles with Angel and Spike and that lawfirm and then told me about Faith and before her, Bufy going over there. The mainstay of the Council was that we had Buffy and Faith. They could go anywhere, they could act as Council, or as slayers and they were the best, obviously. But this time, they pissed Giles off and even though I tended to be a buffer between they and Giles, I was pissed off at them, now. Los Angeles was my area, so when Giles told me it was my duty to go there and report, I didn't take it with a hole lot of surprise. Not only that, but with Buffy there and with Faith there, I was eager to go and was gone before Giles could give me oodles of instructions. I was getting so used to making reservations, that it was like old hat at this point, and the long flights didn't bother me anymore, BUT THIS ONE DID. It was always Angel. Always, and Buffy and Faith were in danger because Angel and Spike had done something stupid.

I landed and got a rental car, a nice one, a hummer, because from what Giles had told me, there was a lot of carnage and demons on the loose and as much as I wanted to kill them all, I knew that there were too many of them and that most of Angel's team had been killed by them.

I had directions to the lawfirm and to Angel's hotel and I drove the strets. I had the windows down and could here screams in the distance. Faintly, there were human screams, but for the most part, it was that disgusting, barbaricy demon scream. The lawfirm was dust and on the street, I had to avoid dead bodies and demons on the ground. There were police everywhere, but the carnage was mostly human the further I moved, and as I drove past the Hyperion, that's where the most carnage was, but it didn't stop. I was tempted to go inside, but I didn't and kept driving, noticing dead humans on the street that i was on and on adjacent streets and it made my blood curdle. I passed more cranage, fires, heard human screams and cries, police sirens and then, came across a pack of demons, and the definite visages of Faith and Spike, about to take on a bunch of them. To help them, without stopping and being seen, I drove over a few of the demons circling back to them and turned a corner to park.

I had to report to Giles and when I called, he was on the phone with Buffy. I gave him the lay of the situation and wondered what he was going to do next. Whatever it was, I wasn't leaving and I hoped that more slayers would be forthcoming. This was he worst thing that I had ever seen.

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A conversation with Buffy. [02 Apr 2006|03:44pm]

[ mood | distressed ]

I had issues all over the world to deal with. I had slayers in six continents fighting demons and I had to be...be apprised of every situation because, unfortunately, at the moment, we didn't have the watchers needed to guide all of the slayers. Being the head of the Watcher's Council, I had to be sure to train enough watchers over the coming years to make this easy. Buffy and Faith were my prime slayers, of course, and they could travel and act in a watcher capacity if needed, but unfortunately, it wasn't that way now, for Buffy and Faith had decided to go to Los Angeles, against my advice, to help Angel in his ill-conceived and utterly reckless task of taking over Wolfram and Hart. Something had happened, no doubt precipitated by Angel, and the city was now in a state of armageddon, demons on the loose, killing Angel's team, save Angel and Spike, and now, others had to deal with the situation.

This was obviously my top priority, now, especially with Faith and Buffy there. There were slayers, working in twosomes, all over the globe. Cleveland had two. The major city's of Europe, always vampiric hotbeds, now had two slayers. Austrailia, had two. Hong Kong had two. Shanghai had two. Tokyo had two. Rio had two. Sao Paolo had two. None of them had watchers with them, as we hadn't trained anyone not named Andrew, Willow or Xander to be a watcher. Xander had something else that he was doing right now, anyway, a little assignment for me, close to the most needed war zone, where I had, against my will, my two best slayers. Xander had gone to Los Angeles, strictly in a report to me capacity.

As the phone rang, I saw that it was from the Hyperion hotel in Los Angeles, which was the very hotel still owned by Angel. Xander had yet to report to me, as he was on his way there, so I didn't know the full spectrum of events that had transpired in the heat of the Los Angeles, but I knew that at least, she was okay, unless of course, it was Angel or Spike who were phoning me, with bad news.

Somehow, I didn't believe that Angel or Spike would call me with any type of report. I was relieved to know that it was Buffy calling, or possibly Faith, and that the two of them, at least for now, were okay. I had no idea of exactly what I was going to do in the near future. I did have several slayers here in London that could fly out to Claifornia. Xander's report would mean a lot. Xander's report, more so then Buffy or Faith's, if it ws one of them on the phone, would maneuver me to the frame of mind that I needed to be in, would prompt me to take a form of action. Things in Los Angeles and probably spreading beyond Los Angeles, were certainly dire, and as much as I disliked the resons for what had transpired there, and as much as I blamed Angel and his haste for all of this, I simply could not sit back while Buffy and Faith were in danger, and while innocent persons lives were put in immediate peril.

I picked up the phone. "Hello," I answered, obviously hopeful that it was Buffy on the other end of the line.

[Buffy and Angel in the background]

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It's times like these you learn to live again... [01 Mar 2006|11:52am]

[ mood | groggy ]

I wish I had something that I could say to make them stay, but the fact that Spike and Faith were the two people that would be the last to listen to me, and that they were together was an impossible task. I couldn't stand up to them because I was holding Angel up. I couldn't really say anything, because this really wasn't my town. Normally, I would, I would say something and I would make it so there were better decisions being made, but I couldn't. I felt like I couldn't say anything, I felt helpless in stopping them.

"I don't think that the two of you should be going off to fight all of those demons alone. I mean, Spike, you saw them. There are too many. Maybe you can call Giles, Faith? Maybe you guys can convince Giles to send in more slayers? This is a slayer type of problem. I would fight them right now if I could, but we all know that I can't. Buffy's not going to leave me alone like this and I only think it's safe if the four of us fight them...."

They didn't even stay long enough to argue, because they knew that they didn't have to. I saw Faith pick up the sword that she brought in here, and give a smile as she proudly walked out the door. Both of them. I got pissed. It was something that Faith would do. She needed to listen and take other things into consideration. She needed to see that there were more than the two of them could handle, especially since they were both at a weaker state.

"Faith, Spike, would you wait-"

The door slammed, and I knew that was Faiths extra touch.

"I don't like this, Buffy."

I was worried now. I wasn't going to leave Angel here alone, to try and convince two of the most stubborn people to come back. It was a lost cause. I looked down, and listened to Angel. Hearing the pain and anxiety in his voice even made me more worried, and more angry, and more helpless. I was still soaked, my neck hurt, and I was getting a headache from it all. When Giles told me that this might happen, I believed him, but I didn't want to. I thought about it all on the plane ride there, and how whatever it was that went wrong with the city, we'd defeat it.

I expected it to be this bad, but I wasn't ready for it.

"They can't go out there alone. Spike and Faith are both weaker, they don't know how many demons are out there, and they can't just walk out and think that the two of them can defeat them all. Did they not see the alleyway?"

I sighed. I didn't need to bring up the alleyway, especially since Angel was sitting here, blaming himself for everything. I wish that I could take that back, and avoid talking about the fact that all of his friends were dead, but I couldn't, and I realized that when I saw a second of his own regret. I had to look away. When I did, I saw the hotel for the first time, and how incredible it was. The place was huge, but it looked like no one had lived there for a very long while. It made sense, because they all set up shop in Wolfram and Hart, and I had heard from Giles and other people that they had a lot nicer places, and cars that came with taking over.

For some reason, as there was silence, I thought about when I was fighting Caleb, and when Angel saved my life. This was somewhat similar... and yet so incredibly different at the same time. I brought myself to look at Angel again, and started up.. again.

"I'm sorry. It's just that.."

This was when it finally hit me.

"Faith should know better right now. She should know that this is it. We're all this city has right now. We can't risk losing any of us, because the city needs us. The people out there would be better off if we went out as a team, rather than divided. Especially right now."


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Back into the fight. [28 Feb 2006|08:41pm]

[ mood | determined ]

"I don't think that the two of you should be going off to fight all of those demons alone. I mean, Spike, you saw them. There are too many. Maybe you can call Giles, Faith?" I looked at Buffy too. "Maybe you guys can convince Giles to send in more slayers? This is a slayer type of problem. I would fight them right now if I could, but we all know that I can't. Buffy's not going to leave me alone like this and I only think it's safe if the four of us fight them...."

Seeing Buffy hold him down and protect him like a little sodding cub was the only extra motivation that I bloody well needed. Wasn't like I was gonna listen to Angel, anyway. Listened to him occassionally, when it involved the others, when it involved Fred or Wes or Gunn or Lorne, but wasn't in to taking orders from Angel, and even though I felt a little battered, knew that I was strong with Buffy's blood in me, and wanted to get out of there.

When Angel said that, looked at Faith, cocked my head to the side, and gave her the shall we look, and tired not to look back at Angel in Buffy's arms as we walked out of the hotel. Faith smelled appetizing, and I was concerned about her fighting, having just gave Angel her blood, but she seemed ready, physically and definitely was emotionally. Bird was so much like me when it came to the fighting, that it was almost scary, and did relish the idea of getting into tussles with that horde of beasties with her at my side.

Still, did look back, and Buffy cradled Angel as he looked at me leave and then looked in her eyes. Was hard to take, after that night in that stranger's bed, and after she told me that she sodding loved me when I had burned up and turned to flames for her and the world, but was obvious and maybe I was sodding overreating, but I didn't think so; Buffy would never hold me back from going to fight. If that were me, she would be going off to fight the demons with Angel.

Realized that I wasn't being very cozy with Faith, and though it was tough, I focused on her. Could tell that she was immersed in thought, though it was hard to tell what it was about. Maybe she was thinking about the Buffy triangle with me and Hair Gel? Maybe she was thinking about Buffy and the Immortal and somebody else? God, I thought, had to stop thinking about Buffy. Was going to get me killed for sure. Maybe Faith was thinking about how she had just given her blood to Angel? Was a sexual experience in it's own way. Maybe Buffy wasn't the only one that had the crushies for Captain Forehead?

Then, it occurred to me, well two things did, first thing was, as we headed south, where the demons had been going, spotting the occassional dead human along the way, that filled me with guilt, that she not only had Angel's bitemarks on her wrist, but that Angel's imprint was also on her neck. Stared for a second as she looked at me, like she wanted to hit me for looking. Stopped staring and decided not to bring up the bitemarks on her neck for the moment, and decided to ask her the other question that I wanted to.

"So, how's Principal Wood? Does he still hate me in a try to kill me sort of sodding way, or is he over that now?"


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Recovery. [20 Feb 2006|04:24pm]

[ mood | uncomfortable ]

The dragon in the alley had sent me flying at like a hundred miles per hour into my own hotel and I had crashed through it, my powerful arms going out to protect my head from the impact, not enough to knock my marbles around, knock me unconscious and make me incoherent.

On my way to hitting the Hyperion's brick, I had seen the fruits of my plan. The fruits of my plan of taking out the Circle of the Black Thorn and crippling the Senior Partners on Earth for quite some time had created a demon free for all below. There was no way that Spike, Gunn or Illyria would survive and Wesley was already dead. The fruits of my labor had unleashed hell upon Earth. It was a hell that could possibly be controlled by slayers. It wasn't an impossible amount of demons to control for them; I had killed probably fifty and the dragon before going airborne, but that was secondary. The fact that the world wasn't going to end was a sidebar. I had killed my team, my friends, and the people that I cared about almost more then anyone else in the world. I had doubtlessly sent thousands if not tens or hundreds of thousands of humans to their painful deaths at the hands of the demons that Spike, Gunn and Illyria wouldn't be able to stop, especially without me.

I guess as my hotel closed in on me, or more to the point, that I closed in on it, I welcomed the certain pain that was going to come, and possible beaheading, or broken neck leaving me paralyzed for months. My subconscious kept working. I didn't know if I was dead, or paralyzed, but I knew that i could feel the guilt more poignantly then ever before, including when I had first gotten the soul stuck back into me by the Romani.

Then, I could feel powerful, and slayer blood going through me, and needingly, although with guilt, took it from her wrist. I knew the blood well. I had smelled it before. I had it on me before from fighting with her. It was the blood of Faith. Faith was here. I was alive. I could feel, and I could move. I could smell two of the most familiar scents to me; one was very welcome, one was a pain in my ass, but it proved that Buffy was here along with Faith and that Spike had survived the war. There was a chance now, that Giles had gotten wind of my plan, and that scores of slayers had come to wipe out the demons brought forward because of my actions.

There was no way that Spike could have survived down there if that wasn't the case, and as I tried to speak, but my brain wouldn't let me, except to tell Buffy that the demons were all my fault, and as I felt myself being placed on the couch in the lobby, that beautifully familiar couch that I missed, and heard Buffy tell me to shush, and to not speak right now, I felt that maybe this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be before I hit the building. Maybe my guilt didn't have to paralyze me like my injuries felt like they were doing? I couldn't bring Gunn or Wesley back, and that would forever haunt me, and I had lost Cordelia and Fred, because of Wolfram and Hart, but maybe, just maybe Giles knew that I was trying to end the evil now and that was why Buffy and Faith were here?

Buffy still held me close and I opened my eyes, focusing in on her, as I moved forward a little and coughed blood onto my jacket, that was already ruined anyway. My head throbbed and I coughed again and I could tell that Buffy wanted me to be still, but there was too much that I wanted to know.

"Gunn, is Gunn okay? Where is Gunn? Did you guys catch wind of our plans to bring down Wolfram and Hart, and did Giles send you here to help and that's why you are here? Are all of the demons dead? Did I kill the dragon? Where are Gunn and Illyria?"

Buffy put here finger to my mouth and I saw Spike shaking his head, looking beaten, but still alive. The adrenaline of me needing to know faded as Spike shook his head, and I knew that none of this was good. I felt weak again, and battered. My ribs screamed from leaning forward and my head felt like it was being pressed between vice grips.

"All of this is my fault," I said, laying my head back down as Buffy cradled my neck, my arm flying around her shoulder, needing to slump.

[Spike, Faith and Buffy]

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Fuckin' Feelings. [17 Feb 2006|02:07pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

The whole damn ride in the plane was gettin’ kinda annoyin’. All I could think of was B goin’ there and finding out what I had already known. Findin’ out that she needed to fight like hell to survive the hell mouth that was openin’ up. She went to save the vamps and Wes from some bad decisions, and she was walkin’ right into a hell mouth. I was worried about Angel too. I didn’t know the part he played in this hell mouth, but I sure as fuck wasn’ gonna turn my back on him. He never did for me.

God damn these laws of not letting’ us smoke on a plane. Hard as hell to fly an’ not smoke even a drag. I was up to the end of my nerves. Even a cross look from some random person was gonna’ land them on the other side of the plane. I was glad that nerd boy was givin’ me the 401. I didn’t know if he did it because he was a ‘friend’ or because of the fear he had if he didn’t tell me. God dammit, if I was gonna’ be too late, then I would not have been a happy slayer.

When the plane landed, I hitched a ride with some random guy. I wasn’t gonna spend the money if I didn’t have to. Besides….I really didn’t like drivin’ that much. I have a pretty bad case of road rage…and I couldn’t forget that last time I was here, I broke out of jail. Puttin’ my name down for a rental would have been the stupidest idea ever. Not that it mattered considerin’ the reason that I was here in the first place. Lookin’ for a fugitive would have been the last thing that those pigs would be worried about.

The airport was crowded, the sky was pitch black, and I had some trucker redneck dude drivin’ me around. Pretty close to fuckin’ rock bottom if ya ask me. The redneck guy (I didn’t care about his name.) said that he would only take me to the end of the block toward Wolfram and Hart. He was headin home, and didn’t want to go down that road. He had heard some pretty crazy things happenin’ there. I just huffed, and kept lookin’ out the window. I was lookin for a sign of anythin‘, but there wasn’t anythin’ around. It was pretty odd considerin’ this was a downtown area. I hopped out of the car when the truck stopped, and din’t even bother to say thanks. He drove away, and at that point I didn’t care until I saw that the entire buildin’ was down. I hadn’t even been to the big W&H but, I knew that this was the place. The sign was still up. The buildin’ though was a different story. I stood there pretty amazed and wondered where B was. I wondered when the buildin’ fell, cause if it fell recently, then she might have been in it with everyon’ else that I came here for.

I wasn’ doin much help standin’ at the foot of all the rubble. All I could hope for was that they were at the hotel. It was the only place I could look before callin Giles, and bitchin’ the hell out of him. I was never one to like feelings, but the one I was feeling felt almost like the one I had when I had lost Wood. Thinkin’ about losing the people that gave me a chance was pissin’ me off, and givin’ me adrenaline that made me want to kill somethin’… but there was no one around. I could only hope that the Hyperion was where they all were.

It wasn’t that far to run, as I thought it was. Almost got lost, cause it had been a while since I’d known where to go in LA. Finally I made it to the road to the Hyperion. There was a fuckload of action goin’ on down the street. I saw an abandoned car in the middle of the road with the door opened. It was rainin’ pellets outside, so hard that it was almost impossible to see five feet ahead of me. I made it to the alleyway, which had cleared out, but fuckin’ obvious there was a fight goin on. I squinted my eyes, and saw a lot of death, I walked down it, and looked around. Demons everywhere, weapons everywhere. I picked up a sword, covered in blood. Demon blood, lots of it. I looked around, and saw…a human. I walked over to him, and turned him around. Gunn, Angel’s bud. Reminded me even more why I was here. I didn’t want to see that anymore. I’d seen death, hell I’d killed before… I liked the dude. Gunn was a street boy, he’d been loyal, and I was pretty sure he’d been loyal to the end. I couldn’ stand there anymore. I had to find the rest of the crew, either dead, or still fightin’ whatever it was they were fightin’ for. I had a feelin’ that that B had to be here somewhere…and Angel wouldn’t leave Gunn…not like this, so that meant that the rest of the crew had to be here too.

I walked to the door of the Hyperion, watchin’ the demons have their way with the street for a second down the road. I was gonna come back for them. I opened the door, and got myself out of the rain, lookin’ inside. I looked around, with the sword in my hand, pissed, and feelin’ all other kinds of emotions.

“B? Angel? Where the fuck are you?”

I only hoped that a demon would come and try somethin’ with me. Fuckers were gonna die, all of em’ were gonna die.

((B’, Spike, Angel))

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Life isn't dealt with so easily.. [14 Feb 2006|10:23pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

The entire plane ride, all I could think about was Angel and Spike, and what Giles had said right before I walked out the door… right before I walked out of the car too. I didn’t like how we left things, but it wasn’t like I didn’t have a reason to be mad. I think if I had opened my mouth to talk to him, I’d come out incredibly rude, and angry, and it would just have taken more time. Besides, I didn’t want to leave things the way they were. It was already possible that I had lost Angel and Spike, I didn’t want to lose Giles at that point either. I could understand the reasoning behind his omissions of certain information; Giles was always going to try to protect me, and those that are close to him. By the way he was talking, there was something huge going down, that there either wasn’t going to be a Los Angeles anymore, or that whatever it was had already taken place. The chances of survival were pretty slim. The thing was, was that I didn’t know if it was Angel and Spike that were what the problem was in Los Angeles. I didn’t know if they were trying to stop it, or if they were the ones that were fueling it. It had been too long that I even talked to either of them. We were all living different lives, and Giles was right for the most part. They were going down the wrong path, and for a time, it wasn’t worth my time to try to stop them. It wasn’t our turf, and we were on different sides. The entire plane ride, my mind was circling back to Angel and Spike while my fingertips were cold, and while I was restless, I there wasn’t a possible way that I was going to get any sleep whatsoever. With what I knew was coming, or had already happened, my mind and body was in fight mode. Especially because Angel and Spike were involved.

My silence on the plane said it all. I was next to the window, and all I could look at was below me, the vast ocean, and the clouds that encircled the plane beside me. I paid no attention to anyone on the plane. My thoughts clouded my mind enough. I didn’t know what I was even going to do when I got there. I was a woman of plans and strategies, I could think them up in a second. It went with the slayer power…But this was something that I had no idea how to execute. The only thing that I could do was wait until I landed, and waited until I saw for myself what was going down. I was worried about Angel, Spike, and Wesley more than words could say.

So when the plane finally arrived, I could already tell that something was going on. People knew that there was either something coming or something was here. The place was completely packed. I could barely make it through the lines and out the door in a fast paced fashion. I didn’t care about a damn ride. I cared about getting there, so I rented a car, with the money that Giles gave me, and sped out of there faster than I have ever driven…. And I don’t drive. I wasn’t sure where it was I was even going, but from the direction of the people, and the obviousness of the scenery, I was going the right way. It was so dark out, and I could tell that it had happened. It had to have happened. The building was gone. It wasn’t vanished. It was rubble, and by the looks of it, if there was anyone in there, then they were rubble too. I had a huge crunch in my stomach, not for the grief of that damned building. I couldn’t care less about it.

It was my fear that three beings that I cared about were part of that building. I slammed on the brakes, right in the middle of the street. I didn’t care at that point as I shot out of the car, and stared at the empty place. There was nothing and nobody around. The rain poured down so fast and hard that it started to hurt every inch of my skin. I peered out into the destruction, and couldn’t do it anymore. If they were here, they were gone, and I wasn’t prepared to accept that yet.

It seemed like just yesterday when I was bringing my decision to Giles to bring the crew on the right path. I heard some things that crossed the line for me, and I didn’t want to think that I wasn’t going to ever be an influence in their decisions when it came down to what was right and what was wrong. That was the plan 2 days ago. The plan today was to find them. The plan was to go the Hyperion. It was the last place that I could think of before I was out of options, and before I was one step closer to finding out that I was too late. I wasn’t going to let myself succumb to that belief. Despite the wreckage of the law firm, there was still one place that I could think about finding them…and it was still dark, or the hell mouth was still making it dark, so that meant that whatever was happening, was still in fact, happening. I didn’t know what happened, and by now, I didn’t care. I didn’t care at all.

I could see a few blocks away, the street where I vaguely remembered the directions to the Hyperion. It was a completely different scene. Darkness, and rain was a constant. The demons, the screams, noise, bad energy…it was all there, and for a split second, that gave me hope. I knew that this was where they had to be. I thought about it for a second, and I didn’t have a weapon.

I didn’t need one.

I got out of the car, just as I saw demons, and things that I had never seen before crowding the streets. It was something that I had never seen before, something that was scaring me, every second that I lingered. I ran toward the hotel, ignoring demons that weren’t in my way, and plowing through the ones that were. They weren’t my concern at the moment. I ran intently to make it to the front door, but something stopped me.

The corner of my eye revealed something that stopped everything moving in me. It stopped the pain of the rain, and the surroundings of the hell that had broken loose.

3 bodies., still figures in the dark.

…and I knew one of them. Probably all of them, but one figure stood out above all of them, and that was Spike. I raced toward him, and picked up a sword that was lying on the ground. In order to get to him, I had to fight, and I chopped off all the heads that I could.

There weren’t that many, most of them were headed the other way. Gunn was down, and the other being I couldn’t recognize. I didn’t see Angel anywhere, and I sucked back my worst fears.

I dropped the sword, took a deep breath that was neither refreshing or comforting, and bent over Spike.


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So, that's how you fly......Too bad I didn't see it. [10 Feb 2006|07:09am]

[ mood | pained ]

Bloody entered into all of this because of Angel. Hated being led into something because Angel had some big master plan. Wasn't the way that I liked things to work. Could have been a roving agent by now. Bloody Captain Forehead had offered me as much and I was as good as on my way...you know, somehwere in sodding Europe, preferably near Rome, well, a lot anyway, was on my way, but then big blue had taken over Fred's body, and a bloke couldn't look past that, and I wouldn't look past that, Angel issues aside.

Angel killed Drogan and had been setting all of this up, while the rest of us, while Charlie Boy, Percy, Lorne and myself followed him around, ready to pounce, totally in the bleeding dark. Did I mention that Angel's sodding control freak streak was sodding annoying? Could have just told us his grand plan and I would have been in from the start. In the muck, in the vilence, like we were now, spoke to me. That's where I lived. Hell, had already given my life up, all noble and heroic, and for all the right reasons, and while this wasn't a strong a reason as was helping Buffy, was pretty close.

Throw me into the fire.

Thrown into the fire I was, against the entire Fell brethren, except that I didn't expect them to be such sodding pussy wankers. I couldn't believe, when I was fighting them, little baby in my arms, that these group of demons were a part of the big whel, were part of the bloody machinery that made evil tick around the world. I had fought other vampires then were a lot tougher than these sods were.

Anyway, took me no longer then ten minutes to wipe out all of them, baby in hand, mind you. Wasn't even concerned with the Fell, after a few minutes, because, yeah, knew that they would be pushovers, and had greater battles on my mind on this night. As I left the Fell's lair, I could feel it. Sure as I could feel my own soul, the night screamed bloody death and horrors beyond the pail. Well, beyond the pail for most sods and gits out there, but for me, same couldn't be said. I had excepted death once, and this to me, was no different. Except this time, knew that Angel had said that we weren't going to make it, but didn't believe that one. Bloody demons coming at us were going to be stupid, and probably weren't going to be that many.

Got to the alley near Hair Gel's old hotel and saw Angel. He'd made it, but as of yet, nobody else had. Didn't think too much of it. Knew that I had wiped out the bald baby-worshippers in record time, so thought nothing of it. Didn't like the way that the rain was pissing up my trench coat, but knew that the others would be coming. Sodding had to. We were going to come out victorious in all of this. Angel told me about his little plan for Lindsey. Didn't think it to be a bad move. Might as well kill the ponce who'd been a thorn in your side for years. Told me that Lorne wasn't coming back, too. Didn't mind that either. Lorne never had it out for the fighting, and he would just get killed on this night, assuming that it was as bad as it looked, which I didn't think that it was.

Gunn came up, and could smell his blood before I heard his voice. Angel looked at him relieved for a minute, but then knew that it wasn't good. He asked about Wesley after I had told him that he was supposed to wear his blood on the inside, and as Gunn sat down, we heard a thump and the blue harlot came up and informed us that Wesley was dead. Hit hard. We didn't all make it, and Percy was a casualty. Gunn looked like he was on his last legs and the night hadn't even bloody started yet.

Then they came. They came as grandmom talked about wishing to inflict violence upon as many as possible because she felt grief over Wesley. Didn't know that little shiva had it in her. Told her that there was plenty of that to go around, as the demons came in full bloody force, and there were a lot of them. Was wrong there, but didn't care. The sods were gonna die and in my heart and head would be Buffy as I fought.

Illyria mentioned that Gunn was going to be gone in ten minutes. He said that let's make them count then, and sounded good to me, except for the Gunn or any of us dying part. Looked at Angel and cowboyed bloody up, ready to inflict, ready to be the big bad on wannabe big bads. Angel mentioned going after the dragon. Before that could happen, we were raging against all manner of demons, vamps, haacklar's, and some that I didn't even recognize. Angel and I went to work, and Illyria soon followed suit. Wanted Gunn in the background, and belying my normal style of go after everything, I thought that we could work together and achieve results, but Angel went off, killed a lot of vamps, especially, and then went after the dragon.

Saw him flying through the air, and that just wasn't sodding natural. Had my hands full, though, and while he was gone, Gunn soon followed, and I wanted to get him out of there, but what was left of his blood was drained by a couple of vamps. Illyria lashed out at them, sending them flying and I was alone, covering her. Cahrlie bioy was gone, and I was really sodding pissed off, now. I went the way that I liked to go and started pummeling demons, taking abuse of my own that I ignored, until a sword carved into my side, and sent me down. Could have been the end for me, except that Illyria saved me, and while she did, her head was chopped off. Many demons had gotten by and were going after humans and I was alone. Didn't know where Angel was, because I couldn't look to see without getting sodding staked, or burned.

Ducked a sword coming at my head, grabbed it, whirled around and spun-kicked anything that I could touch, screaming because this was what it was all about. This was where I lived. Put me in the muck, let me roll, and feed me with the knowledge that friends were gone, and things were going to pay. Used the sword and used it effectively, swinging it wildly, and hearing things crunch. Give me the crunch and the smash. Give it to me, and I'm where I'm supposed to be. That's what I got. Heard something, that I assumed was Angel, and as I whirled the sword around again, I was briefly sodding distracted by that.

Felt a mace digging into my skull, and felt my body launched, using the very sword that I had been holding. Didn't feel anything else, though, as I could feel my brain matter virtually freezing and getting wet. Felt a crash, window smashing, and then the floor beneath me, rushing up to grab me. Looked up for a minute, sodding intent on getting back into the war, but then a fog overtook me. Hard.

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Torment.....loss, but not death, at least not for me. Or, at least not yet. [09 Feb 2006|06:26pm]

[ mood | battered ]

I couldn't believe how it had gone. I had been helped by my son. That was unexpected, not really what I wanted, but good in it's own way. I didn't want Connor anywhere near Los Angeles on this night. I wanted him to be as far north as humanly possible, with his new family, because here, hell would literally be coming....well..if we were successful.

I knew that I had been. I knew that the Archduke was dead and that the forces were coming just on his front, because he had forty-thousand demons at his beck and call, and probably from the Senior Partners as well, but that was to be expected. Hamilton had been the threat here. I knew that after he had easily beaten Illyria down and had taken Drogan away.

I let Harmony go, even though, she betrayed me, of course, with a recommendation, and Hamilton faced off with me, this after throwing me out of my office and onto the lobby floor, which was after I had told him that Sebassis was already dead, which was after I had sent Nina away, and had actually killed Drogan, a friend, to infiltrate the circle of the Black Thorn.

The fight with Hamilton didn't go as I had expected and he was stronger then I anticipated him being. It was supposed to be the end, so I really didn't mind. I was caught off guard, but to put a clog in the engine of the power machinery of Wolfram and Hart, we had to do this and though I didn't anticipate living through the night, or Spike, Wes, Gunn, Lorne or Illyria, either, for that matter, it was still fighting the good fight and being the hero that I had tried to be over the past decade.

Connor came in to help. It was nice, although I feared for him. We both got thrown around heavily until Hamilton opened his mouth and said the one thing that he shouldn't have. He had mentioned that his blood was filled with their power, with the Senior Partners' power, and after drinking him, I found him to be right. I was able to kill the big bad Hamilton with a few devastatingly delivered right hands...no weapon required. I was surging with strength, but more then that, I was filled with worry.

I didn't want to see Connor go, but knew that I had to keep him out of harm's way. I knew that it was probably the last time that I would see him again, and he mentioned that, but my legacy would live through him, and I told him as much. I hoped that he understood what that meant and came to grip with his powers, and that he would use them ina safe, yet effective way. I just hoped that I would get the chance to see it happen, and I knew, unfortunately, that it was unlikely, but I had started this and one way or the other, I was going to see it thropugh. He rushed out and I watched, before getting Eve out of the building, informing her, without words, that Lindsey was dead. She didn't follow and I didn't care. She deserved to rot in the falling building.

Rushing to the Hyperion in the rain, I felt the power coursing through me, but could feel the evil in the air, and could equally hear the faint rumbles of demons coming. I was wrought with the thoughts of signing away my chance of becoming a human. I had never believed in the shanshu prophecy. I wante dto, but things didn't work that way for me. I had lost Cordy, I had lost Fred, I had lost Doyle and I had killed thousands. The only reason that it was bothering me now, was because the possibility of it being real and me signing it away, meant that Spike would get it, and right now, I realized just how petty that the thought was.

I got into the alley and was alone. I expected to be there first, but as time passed, I became concerned. Finally, Spike showed up. Finally. He had defeated the Fell and had returned the baby to it's mother. We shared talk of the others and after a few more minutes, the noise from the demons coming, increasing, along with the rain pellets, Gunn showed up.

Spike mentioned that he was supposed to be wearing his blood on the inside, and it was true. Gunn looked bad. I felt remorse for involving Gunn or Wes. This should have been Spike, myself and Illyria. We were all already dead. Gunn and Wes weren't equipped for this type of battle. They had agreed to follow me in to war, as always, but I should have known better.

Minutes later, Illyria showed up, informing us that Wesley was dead. I felt my non-beating heart sink and had to repress memories of Wesley..all of the good ones. The power in me was muted and I wanted to take back this move, but as I saw the demons coming and heard Illyria tell Gunn that he had only minutes to live after she had said that she wanted to avenge what had happened to Wesley, I knew that I was going to ruin every demon that came across my sword.

I told Spike that I was going after the dragon, and the dragon did come to me, after I had sliced through about fifty snarling demons with ease, getting nicked and cut, but not caring. The dragon soared above and tried to get Illyria, but I jumped on it's back and felt myself going airborne. I didn't lose the sword and sliced into it as it shrieked. I had lost the ability to see the fight below. I couldn't even hear my friends. I had to get back to them and kill the dragon. The dragon dropped me to the ground on top of a warehouse, still shrieking, hovering. I could see the top of the Hyperion. It was right across the street. I had a minute to look below and see that Gunn was dead, and with that, part of me died even further. Spike and Illyria fought together, though, and though I was pummedled by the dragon while slicing away at it, I felt like we had a chance if I could just get back down there.

Then it hit me, just as I sliced through it's neck, so hard with it's wing, that I went flying across the fight below and crashed into the exterior of the Hyperion and through the brick because of the force. I heard screams as I hit the building, but quickly saw and heard nothing.

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[08 Feb 2006|02:15pm]

[ mood | curious ]

I had me some chips and sat back in the huge couch, puttin my boots on the coffee table. I knew damn well that Andrew was givin‘ me those looks that he always gives me when I do that. Hey, a girl‘s gotta get ‘er kicks somehow. Especially since I’d been cooped up in this god damned estate for a long time. I was startin’ to like the company of Andrew, and that’s when I know I’d had enough. Andrew was good to me though, so I couldn’t hold a grudge against him because I was startin’ to like the company of the nerd. Since Wood was killed by the vamp, I’d been tryin’ to forget what he made me feel like. I needed to keep my mind on somethin’ though because he was dead, an I had to move on. I understood what it felt like to love an’ loose, and I was definitely not likin’ it. Andrew tried to keep my mind off him for a while, but every ploy he had was just annoyin’ and nerdy.

I popped a greased chip in my mouth, and gave him a persistent look. He had let slip some info to me that made me kinda curious. Sometin’ was goin’ down with Angel an’ crew…something’ that I wasn’t suppose to know about. Somethin’ that I knew B didn’t know about either. Boy was she gonna’ be pissed once she found out. Believe me, even I wouldn‘t want to be in the same room.

Me an her seemed to be the only ones that cared about them over in the states. For a while it was me more than her, I think. She was just flat out angry for the longest time. I just sat back an’ watched as she tried to go on with er life. She was doin’ a pretty good job of it for a while. But I it seemed as though she claimed em as her property, an’ anything goin’ awry, didn’t matter what it was, she got in this pissy mood till everythin’ was fine again. Those two an’ B should be stuck in some book together. Pretty fucked up triangle if you ask me. Even I didn’t want to get in the middle of it.

Andrew was keepin’ somethin’ from me. Somethin’ that had to do with Angel. Christ, I was startin’ to sound like B. Angel was my friend though, so I wasn’ gonna let this one slide. Besides, Andrew was smarter than that. He wanted to tell me.

Whatever the hell it was… I sat there, smilin’ and waiting for him to keep goin’. I popped another chip in my mouth, an talked.

“So, what is it that’s so important you’re not tellin’ me? Angel in some sort of trouble? I have a feelin’ your orders come strictly from the big boss man who wants you to keep this from me an’ B.”

I hit my boot on the table, knockin’ some dirt on the top.


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...is a promise. [07 Feb 2006|09:53am]

[ mood | determined ]

It was amazing that I was able to get this far when it comes to Giles. I knew that he didn’t want me even a plane ride away from Angel and his crew over at Wolfram and Hart, and to be honest, a few months ago, I didn’t want to be either. Something drastically changed my mind, and even I didn’t know what exactly it was. Maybe it was this sort of fear that had always been inside of me, that Wolfram and Hart wasn’t going to be just Angel and Spike’s problem anymore. That this was going to end up being everyone’s problem, but sooner or later, we were going to have to face it. And they were the ones that were facing it wrong. I knew that Giles knew what I was doing when I was being cryptic about it. He could read me like one of his favorite books.

The truth was, I needed to do this because I knew what it was doing to Angel and Spike. I wasn’t one to just let them get swallowed up, especially not those two. When it came to them, it didn’t matter how far away I was, or how different our lives were; I couldn’t let them fight something alone, and with minimal chance of survival. Thinking about that was what played the biggest part in my buying of a plane ticket to Los Angeles. All that was still left was me convincing Giles that I wasn’t going insane and that I wasn’t possessed. Of course, asking him for some slayers to aide me was going to be completely out of the question. I didn’t know what to expect over there when I got off the plane. I never came face to face with Wolfram and Hart, although I knew that they were very powerful. I had to be ready to fight.

There was only one thing that was standing between me and the gate to the plane… and that was Giles. You’d think it’d be easy, but I’d rather fight anything but Giles’ words. Especially since they were mildly convincing. I looked at him in the eye, and looked down at my small bag and smiled.

“See, Giles? Small bag. I’m not moving there, just making sure they handle everything the right way. That they don’t get off track…and that a lot of people don’t get killed.”

He knew what that meant.

“I’ll be home before you know it. Now, I don’t want to miss this flight, it cost a pretty penny.”


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