Angel/Angelus (shanshu_angel) wrote in not_fading_away,
Angel/Angelus
shanshu_angel
not_fading_away

  • Mood:

Recovery.

The dragon in the alley had sent me flying at like a hundred miles per hour into my own hotel and I had crashed through it, my powerful arms going out to protect my head from the impact, not enough to knock my marbles around, knock me unconscious and make me incoherent.

On my way to hitting the Hyperion's brick, I had seen the fruits of my plan. The fruits of my plan of taking out the Circle of the Black Thorn and crippling the Senior Partners on Earth for quite some time had created a demon free for all below. There was no way that Spike, Gunn or Illyria would survive and Wesley was already dead. The fruits of my labor had unleashed hell upon Earth. It was a hell that could possibly be controlled by slayers. It wasn't an impossible amount of demons to control for them; I had killed probably fifty and the dragon before going airborne, but that was secondary. The fact that the world wasn't going to end was a sidebar. I had killed my team, my friends, and the people that I cared about almost more then anyone else in the world. I had doubtlessly sent thousands if not tens or hundreds of thousands of humans to their painful deaths at the hands of the demons that Spike, Gunn and Illyria wouldn't be able to stop, especially without me.

I guess as my hotel closed in on me, or more to the point, that I closed in on it, I welcomed the certain pain that was going to come, and possible beaheading, or broken neck leaving me paralyzed for months. My subconscious kept working. I didn't know if I was dead, or paralyzed, but I knew that i could feel the guilt more poignantly then ever before, including when I had first gotten the soul stuck back into me by the Romani.

Then, I could feel powerful, and slayer blood going through me, and needingly, although with guilt, took it from her wrist. I knew the blood well. I had smelled it before. I had it on me before from fighting with her. It was the blood of Faith. Faith was here. I was alive. I could feel, and I could move. I could smell two of the most familiar scents to me; one was very welcome, one was a pain in my ass, but it proved that Buffy was here along with Faith and that Spike had survived the war. There was a chance now, that Giles had gotten wind of my plan, and that scores of slayers had come to wipe out the demons brought forward because of my actions.

There was no way that Spike could have survived down there if that wasn't the case, and as I tried to speak, but my brain wouldn't let me, except to tell Buffy that the demons were all my fault, and as I felt myself being placed on the couch in the lobby, that beautifully familiar couch that I missed, and heard Buffy tell me to shush, and to not speak right now, I felt that maybe this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be before I hit the building. Maybe my guilt didn't have to paralyze me like my injuries felt like they were doing? I couldn't bring Gunn or Wesley back, and that would forever haunt me, and I had lost Cordelia and Fred, because of Wolfram and Hart, but maybe, just maybe Giles knew that I was trying to end the evil now and that was why Buffy and Faith were here?

Buffy still held me close and I opened my eyes, focusing in on her, as I moved forward a little and coughed blood onto my jacket, that was already ruined anyway. My head throbbed and I coughed again and I could tell that Buffy wanted me to be still, but there was too much that I wanted to know.

"Gunn, is Gunn okay? Where is Gunn? Did you guys catch wind of our plans to bring down Wolfram and Hart, and did Giles send you here to help and that's why you are here? Are all of the demons dead? Did I kill the dragon? Where are Gunn and Illyria?"

Buffy put here finger to my mouth and I saw Spike shaking his head, looking beaten, but still alive. The adrenaline of me needing to know faded as Spike shook his head, and I knew that none of this was good. I felt weak again, and battered. My ribs screamed from leaning forward and my head felt like it was being pressed between vice grips.

"All of this is my fault," I said, laying my head back down as Buffy cradled my neck, my arm flying around her shoulder, needing to slump.

[Spike, Faith and Buffy]
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 8 comments
Was surreal, all of this. The howling had stopped outside, and for the most part, also from the holes in my head created by that demon swinging the mase at it from behind, but it was still something that I never sodding omagined seeing.

Was in this strange hotel that I knew belonged to Angel, right here in Los Angeles, and it felt almost like Sunnydale with Buffy and Faith being here. Demons were unleashed, almost like a hellmouth was in the area and they were bloody well flocking to it, and there was this air of, I don't know...doom, going on. Didn't like what we had lost, but it was still where I lived, and I could feel the urge to go destroy all of them returning to me, along with my strength.

Angel on the other hand, looked snockered, hammered, beaten, and yeah, altogether not so well. Buffy held him like he was a child on the couch as Faith and I looked on, standing over them. Seemed as though he had trouble speaking, and wasn't surprised by that, as Buffy told him to keep the lips from flapping.

A moment of silence came, and then Angel got up, coughing blood, seemingly not knowing what was going on, but wanted to really sodding badly.

"Gunn, is Gunn okay? Where is Gunn? Did you guys catch wind of our plans to bring down Wolfram and Hart, and did Giles send you here to help and that's why you are here? Are all of the demons dead? Did I kill the dragon? Where are Gunn and Illyria?"

Shook my head and he looked at Faith, then at Buffy, and then at me, and seemed to know that all was not well. "No, beefcake. Far as I know, Giles didn't send them, the demons are running away, probably killing everything in bloody sight and no...Gunn and...and Illyria have bought the farm, but they went out both like heroes, fighting with everything that they had..."

Choked up. It was my turn to shed a tear like Angel had, almost. Couldn't bring myself to that in front of the slaya's, but it was what I was feeling inside. Deep down.

"All of this is my fault."

"Sodding nonsense, Angel. Will you listen to yourself? Yeah, maybe we could have prepared for the demons a little better, but it was a good plan. Wesley, Gunn, Illyria, Mr. Green Jeans, even Lindsey all agreed to it. Stop beating yourself up. Your making our kind look bad here."

By our kind, of course, I was referring to souled vampires. But wasn't going to say that aloud. Everyone here knew what Angel and I were.
"No, beefcake. Far as I know, Giles didn't send them, the demons are running away, probably killing everything in bloody sight and no...Gunn and...and Illyria have bought the farm, but they went out both like heroes, fighting with everything that they had..."

"No, Giles didn't send us. Or me, anyway. My information came from Andrew, and from what I heard, ol' Giles made it pretty clear that he didn't want us slayers down here. Especially not me an' B...becuase of this."

I looked over to B, who wasn't payin' much attention to anything around her except Angel. Angel looked mighty bad. I knew one thing, and that was he sure as hell shouldn't be talkin' or sittin' up when he was spittin' blood. Maybe I shouldn't have told them what happened over seas, or what was happenin'. I didn't see any way that we were gonna get much help unless Andrew gets more worried or Giles can't stand seein' B out here with this less reinforcements.

Hell, I liked it this way. No big crowd, no mini B's runnin' around. I liked the strength, but the drama, and us watchin' out for them when some of em' were gonna die....that wasn't my thing. I dind't like feelin' guilty, and to know that I trained some of them...well maybe I didn't train em' well enough if they die. Besides, most of them were younger than Dawn.

Hearin' Angel say that this was his fault made me feel horrible. Hell even when I was bad, if I was responsible for however many people were dyin' now includin' my friends, I think I might have been a lil emotional too.

"Sodding nonsense, Angel. Will you listen to yourself? Yeah, maybe we could have prepared for the demons a little better, but it was a good plan. Wesley, Gunn, Illyria, Mr. Green Jeans, even Lindsey all agreed to it. Stop beating yourself up. Your making our kind look bad here."

I wasn't about to point any fingers, but they were talkin' like they never took hold of wolfram and hart by the horns. Neither B nor I thought it was the best time to be bringin' up stones to cast though. That was at a later time when we didn't already have enough problems.
"No, Giles didn't send us. Or me, anyway. My information came from Andrew, and from what I heard, ol' Giles made it pretty clear that he didn't want us slayers down here. Especially not me an' B...becuase of this."

I was focusing on Angel, but listening to everything that was being said. Especially what Faith had said stuck out in my mind. I hoped that she didn't blame Giles for his decision, even though both of us would have wanted the information. It wasn't us that caused this fight, and for all Giles knew, or seemed to know, it could have been a fight for evil, not against it.

I was by no means whatsoever going to put all of this on Giles. I was angry at him for not telling me about this, but I could see why he didn't. In the course of an hour of being in Los Angeles, there was so much damage that was already done. Angel and Spike, 2 of the best fighters that I know were severly hurt, and the crew that was with Angel and Spike were all dead. Giles was still protecting us all. It wasn't like I wasn't on his side for the longest time either. Wolfram and Hart were evil. I was not for them taking control of it like they could turn it good. Anything that came out of that place was bad...would always be bad.

I sighed.

"Giles didn't tell me that there was something going on until I told him I was coming to LA. It was a day ago, and it didn't sound like he was going to send in anybody else."

I wanted so badly to call him and tell him the extent of how badly it really was down here, but I think he already knew that which was why he was so reluctant in letting me go. He knew the chances of survival. What I didn't understand was if he didn't want to help Angel and Spike, then he sure as hell should have wanted to save the people that were getting killed in the middle. Who were still getting killed.

I was still holding Angel up. He needed to get a lot of rest, and he was so incredibly weak. I hated seeing anybody this weak.

"Sodding nonsense, Angel. Will you listen to yourself? Yeah, maybe we could have prepared for the demons a little better, but it was a good plan. Wesley, Gunn, Illyria, Mr. Green Jeans, even Lindsey all agreed to it. Stop beating yourself up. Your making our kind look bad here."

I looked over at Faith, and then at Spike. I was trying to avoid this whole thing. I needed answers, but I didn't want them right now, not when I saw them in this state. Especially Angel.

"I think you both need some rest. We can talk about all of this later when you've healed a little bit."

It was my escape.
I tried to get up, but everything was out of control. I had never been hurt this bad before. Sure, my lover currently holding me had sent me to a hell dimension, killing me, but it didn't hurt. It only hurt for a minute and then the real pain began, but in the hell dimension, it wasn't like this. I knew that I was suffering, but the physical anguish was only as bad as I let myself be beaten down by the other demons, and it wasn't anything like this. My mind was working now, foggy, but working, but my body, even with Faith's blood in my system, couldn't catch up.

I knew that there was so much that had to be done, but I could barely move. I had been impaled by a rebar, had been sent to the ocean without blood for three months by my son, had been tossed out a window and fallen twenty stories to the hard pavement, and had been poisoned by Faith, with a dart that could have killed me, but never before had my entire body felt so defeated. The posion weakened me, as did the bottom of the ocean, and death could have come, but here, I was strong, I had Faith's blood in me and yet, I couldn't move.

I could hear, though, ever so well, and was listening to everything that was being sent. Spike made sense. It hurt that Gunn and Illyria were gone and I would forever hurt because of what had happened to Cordy, Fred and Wesley, but we had made a move that was calculated. We just didn't know the outcome would be this bad. Spike mobile and stronger then me, made me want to get up and attack, but it would take more then even that at the moment.

Faith talked about Andrew knowing about this all and Giles knowing, and that was all interesting, but not surprising.

"Giles didn't tell me that there was something going on until I told him I was coming to LA. It was a day ago, and it didn't sound like he was going to send in anybody else."

"That tracks. Giles still considers me Angelus, even though I have been him since Sunnydale, I never thanked enough you, Faith, for helping me out of that, and I guess...well..I should thank you for giving me your blood..."

I looked at her and nodded with my battered face. I then looked at Buffy and saw fresh bitemarks on her neck. It didn't take me long to realize that she had tried to save and had saved Spike with her blood, and that irritated me much more then I would like, but I made the scowl disappear for the moment.

"I think you both need some rest. We can talk about all of this later when you've healed a little bit."

I wanted to rest too, but how could I? There were demons out there, in packs, killing humans because of an action we had all taken.

"I don't think that I can rest, Buffy, even though I need it. Those demons out there are my responsibility, and how else can I prove to Giles, and even the two of you that the only reason we took over Wolfram and Hart was to keep our enemies closer?"
"Giles didn't tell me that there was something going on until I told him I was coming to LA. It was a day ago, and it didn't sound like he was going to send in anybody else."

I looked at Buffy, and shook my head. Wasn't remotely her fault, but it bloody figured that Giles was on his high horse with all of the power of the Council and an army of slaya's working for and with him. Sod tried to have me killed, and hadn't properly thanked him for that, especially since it was me that had closed the hellmouth and saved a hell of a lot more of his slaya's from dying.

Who was I kidding? Would do that every time for Buffy. Noticed Angel studying her neck after thanking Faith for his blood. Saw that Angel wasn't thrilled with me taking Buffy's blood, but he could piss off if he said anything about that. Wasn't the time to bicker. Too many had died that I liked and people were in sodding trouble, but he wasn't going to get all schoolboy on me by bringing that up without a sodding retort in spades. He had taken Buffy's blood at another point too.

"I think you both need some rest. We can talk about all of this later when you've healed a little bit."

Looked at Buffy. She was more beautiful then ever. She was standing up for us, wanting us to get better and respected that, although I wondered how much, showing jealousy that I sodding didn't want to appear, resting would be done with Buffy obviously watching out for Captain forehead. Too many demons were on the streets and needed to be stopped, even if Giles had to be called and slaya's summoned to the streets of California.

"I don't think that I can rest, Buffy, even though I need it. Those demons out there are my responsibility, and how else can I prove to Giles, and even the two of you that the only reason we took over Wolfram and Hart was to keep our enemies closer?"

"Gotta side with Angel on this one, Buffy, Faith. We have to stop those demons, even if Angel can't fight right now. Too many innocent people are gonna be killed if we what? Rest for the rest of the night?"

Was surprised that Buffy would even entertain that. She was the truest warrior I had ever met. She wouldn't normally let demons hurt people if she knew about them. Had to have something to do with Angel's condition. Didn't feel especially good to me, but what the bloody hell was I going to say. I didn't own Buffy. Would always love her, but she knew better then I did what she wanted.

"Faith and I can go after the demons and get as many as we can, if you want to stay here with Angel, Buffy. Way I see it, is somebody's got to go after them and it will be easier attacking them from behind then it was with all of them coming at the four of us, earlier."

Be damned if I wasn't going to be killing with Angel here laying in Buffy's arms.
I didn't like where this was goin'. I was a part of this thing, fight between what is ocnsidered good, and what is considered evil whether I wanted to be or not. I had been fightin' this fight for my entire life, even before I was a slayer. It was just that when I was in fact a slayer, it mattered more.

It was not my decision whether Giles and B' were to help Angel and his crew a little while ago. I might have gone, and I might not have. the way that I saw it was, well, if I was faced with that decision, I would have made it right then and there. I wasn't. I was pretty left out of the whole thing. I wasn't goin to walk into a trap and say that either side was right though.

"That tracks. Giles still considers me Angelus, even though I have been him since Sunnydale, I never thanked enough you, Faith, for helping me out of that, and I guess...well..I should thank you for giving me your blood..."

I gave him a nod and a lil half cocky smile. Damn right Angel should thank me. If it had been any other I'd rather be stuck in a room watching Andrew play sega for hours.... Or watch the fucker die. I wasn't a damn nice and B was, and I never would be.

I kinda nodded when B said that they needed some rest. If not to think about things, then to get better, so B and I could talk about our next move. If the crew of Angel was no more, then I didn't see how it was possible for us two to wipe out all the demons that came out from the alley way. I never fuckin' said that I wasn't gonna give it a try. I was just about angry enough to take out a couple hundred, and restless enough to take out more.

Angel denied B's request to get some rest. Fuck, thet meant that Spike probably would too...and we were stuck in a fuckin bind.

Again.

"Gotta side with Angel on this one, Buffy, Faith. We have to stop those demons, even if Angel can't fight right now. Too many innocent people are gonna be killed if we what? Rest for the rest of the night? Faith and I can go after the demons and get as many as we can, if you want to stay here with Angel, Buffy. Way I see it, is somebody's got to go after them and it will be easier attacking them from behind then it was with all of them coming at the four of us, earlier."

Oh boy, I didn't see this one endin' well. but I certainly wasn't gonna pass up the offer. B opened her mouth to say soemthin', but I cut her off just in time. Thank fuckin' God.

"I think that plan is good enough. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be stuck in here while there are demons to be killed. I'm long over due."

I gave B' a wink.

"Don't worry, B. I'll take care of your boy."
I could here in Angel's voice that he wasn't happy with Giles. I didn't have anything to say about that either. Who was I to tell Angel what to feel, or what to think? It seemed to me that this was a game of unspoken words, and I was the one that wasn't speaking them. I didn't want to talk about Giles, and what he did and what he didn't tell me. I didn't want to talk about what I believed in, or if I thought that Angel and Spike were doing the right thing. I hadn't seen either of them in a long time, and it seemed only typical that I'd be faced with a fight of views and leadership.

"I don't think that I can rest, Buffy, even though I need it. Those demons out there are my responsibility, and how else can I prove to Giles, and even the two of you that the only reason we took over Wolfram and Hart was to keep our enemies closer?"

I stared at Angel. I wasn't angry, or at least, I didn't think I was angry. I was frustrated that in the condition he was in, he was actually contemplating going out. Spike and Angel could rest here,and Faith and I would go out. It was logical, but I forgot how incredibly stubborn the both of them really were. There was no way that they would stay in the hotel while Faith and I went out for God knows how long.

"Faith and I can go after the demons and get as many as we can, if you want to stay here with Angel, Buffy. Way I see it, is somebody's got to go after them and it will be easier attacking them from behind then it was with all of them coming at the four of us, earlier."

I had been a slayer for a long time, and I knew what needed to be done. I understood that I would never be able to save everyone. I got that innocent people were always going to be caught in the fray. Even though it tore me up inside a lot, I could deal. I was about to tell them both to stay here, while Faith and I tried to get as many as we could, but faith spoke up sooner, and I wished that I had said my idea before any of this.

I did not like the plan. Spike was too injured. Angel was too injured.

"I think that plan is good enough. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be stuck in here while there are demons to be killed. I'm long over due."

I was about to stand up and say something, something that made a hell of a lot more sense than Spike and Faith going out there...but Angel was relying on me for support, still obviously too weak to do anything much less move.

"Don't worry, B. I'll take care of your boy."

I glared. Not the best thing to say, Faith.

I didn't have anything to say, because either way, there were two of us staying behind. Faith was gung-ho, and knew her way around LA more than I did. For the first time in a long time, I was the one that was skeptical about going in without a plan.

I felt like Giles.
"Gotta side with Angel on this one, Buffy, Faith. We have to stop those demons, even if Angel can't fight right now. Too many innocent people are gonna be killed if we what? Rest for the rest of the night? Faith and I can go after the demons and get as many as we can, if you want to stay here with Angel, Buffy. Way I see it, is somebody's got to go after them and it will be easier attacking them from behind then it was with all of them coming at the four of us, earlier."

I tried to get up. I wasn't about to let Spike go out and steal thunder in the eyes of Buffy, or Faith for that matter, at my expense. Even though I had barely any control over my body, I tried to get up, but Buffy wouldn't let me. I had to get school yard about this, but I was no match for Buffy's strength at the moment.

"I think that plan is good enough. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be stuck in here while there are demons to be killed. I'm long over due."

I started to wonder if Faith and Spike would go out there and that Buffy might be staying here with me. That, in it's own right, was appealing, but even the prospect of that wasn't enough to keep me away from going after those demons. I had unleashed them, and I had to stop them. The problem was, that I could barely stand and hardly talk, and if Buffy didn't want me going out there, then I wasn't going out there.

"Don't worry, B. I'll take care of your boy."

I think, if Buffy weren't keeping me from getting up, that alone, those words, gave me the strength to get up. Spike being called Buffy's boy was something that I didn't need to hear.

Buffy didn't mention going out with Spike or Faith, and I knew that she knew that I was in no condition to fight.

"I don't think that the two of you should be going off to fight all of those demons alone. I mean, Spike, you saw them. There are too many. Maybe you can call Giles, Faith?" I looked at Buffy too. "Maybe you guys can convince Giles to send in more slayers? This is a slayer type of problem. I would fight them right now if I could, but we all know that I can't. Buffy's not going to leave me alone like this and I only think it's safe if the four of us fight them...."

Spike and Faith walked towards the door after looking at me. I hated that they were going and that I couldn't do anything about this. Spike didn't look exactly strong and I didn't think that the two of them should have been going alone.

"I don't like this, Buffy," I said to her, for the first time, really looking into her eyes again. The problem was, that both of us were filled with anxiety and probably for the same and different reasons.